on consumer goods:

On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that’s the only time I have to
work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The
shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it’s *just* a
suggestion!)

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head. (really?)

On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)  Do not turn upside
down. (Too late! You lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you
sure???Let’s experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn’t that save
more time?)

On Boot’s Children’s cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could
do a lot to reduce the rate of construction incidents if we just kept those 5 year olds
off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!)

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As
opposed to use in outer space?)

On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I’m curious.)

On Sainsbury’s peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:  Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(have a lobotomy)

On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. (What
is this, a home castration kit?)

On a child’s Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(That’s right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)

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