This is an accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the British equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board. This is the bricklayer's report, a true story. Had this guy died, he'd have walked away with a Darwin Award for sure!

Dear Sir:

I am writing in response to your request for additional information In Block #3 of the accident report form. I put "Poor Planning" as the Cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into It.. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in block #11 of the accident report form that my weight is 135lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3 of the accident report form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight.

As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back onto me. This explains the two broken legs.

Subject: Re: Accident Report
Date: Thu, 02 Dec 1999 10:56:45 +0000
From: Steve Powell <>
Newsgroups: aus.jokes,rec.humor,za.humour

jon willsher wrote:

> Gerard Hoffnung related this story in his address to the Oxford Union some
> time in the '50s. I have a copy of the record that was made on that
> occasion. Also featured are his experiences as a guide during the 1951 (?)
> Festival of Britain - all London brothels display a blue lamp - and his
> memorable 'French Widows' anecdote.
> --
> Jon Willsher

This joke can also be found as a song. Yes, I have the words, and the tune,
and have sung along with friends when 'entertaining' at a pub. It is quite
old. I am not sure which came first, though - the joke or the song. I suspect
it was the song as the joke is almost identical in wording, save for
variations in the retelling.

I wonder how many other humorous songs have been turned into jokes - or vice
versa.

Steve Powell

Subject: Re: Accident Report
Date: Thu, 02 Dec 1999 09:33:43 +0000
From: Steve Barnes <>
Newsgroups: aus.jokes,rec.humor,za.humour

Rowland Croucher wrote:
> 
> This is an accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the
> British equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board. This is the
> bricklayer's report, a true story. Had this guy died, he'd have walked
> away with a Darwin Award for sure!

No it's not a true story!  Firstly it's been around for years, and
secondly, no British person would EVER describe themselves as weighing
135lbs....

-- 
Steve Barnes
http://i.am/stephenbarnes/ 

Subject: Re: Accident Report
Date: Thu, 2 Dec 1999 01:45:52 -0000
From: "jon willsher" <>
Newsgroups: aus.jokes,rec.humor,za.humour

Gerard Hoffnung related this story in his address to the Oxford Union some
time in the '50s. I have a copy of the record that was made on that
occasion. Also featured are his experiences as a guide during the 1951 (?)
Festival of Britain - all London brothels display a blue lamp - and his
memorable 'French Widows' anecdote.
--
Jon Willsher