THE RURAL AUSTRALIAN THESAURUS OF COMPUTER TERMS

Log On - Make the barbie hotter

Log Off - Don't add any more wood

Monitor - Keeping an eye on the barbie

Download - Get the firewood off the ute

Hard drive - trip back home without any cold tinnies

Floppy Disc - What you get lifting too much firewood at once

Keyboard - where you hang the ute, and bike keys

Window - What you shut when it's cold

Screen - What you shut in the mozzie season

Byte - What mozzies do

Bit - What mozzies did

Mega Byte - What Townsville mozzies do

Chip - A bar snack

Micro Chip - What's left in the bag after you have eaten the chips

Modem - What you did to the lawns

Dot Matrix - Old Dan Matrix's wife

Laptop - Where the cat sleeps

Software - Plastic knives and forks you get at Big Rooster

Hardware - Real stainless steel knives and forks from K Mart

Mouse - What eats the grain in the shed

Mainframe - What holds the shed up

Web - What spiders make

Web Site - The shed or under the verandah

Cursor - The old bloke down the pub who swears a lot

Search Engine - What you do when the ute won't go

Yahoo - what you say when the ute does go

Upgrade - A steep hill

Server - The person at the pub that brings out the counter lunch

Mail Server - The bloke at the pub that brings out the counter lunch

Internet - Complicated fish net repair method

Netscape - When fish manoeuvres out of reach of net

Online - When you get the laundry hung out

Off Line - When the pegs don't hold the washing up