The following are answers given by students from Williamston Presbyterian Church, South Carolina, to test questions on the Bible, originally printed in the December 31, 1995 issue of National Review.

- Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. - Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day and a ball of fire by night. - Unleavened bread is bread made without ingredients. - Moses went to the top of Mt. Cyanide to get the 10 commandments. - the seventh commandment is "thou shalt not admit adultery". - Solomon had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. - Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. - The people who followed Jesus were called the 12 decibels. - The epistles were the wives of the apostles. - Paul preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. - A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.