The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, “Now I’ll show you this frog in my pocket.” He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich. He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said, “That’s funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch.”

The teacher brings a statue of Venus into class and asks, “What do you like best about it, class? Let’s start with you, Robert.”

“The artwork,” says Robert.

“Very good. And you, Peter?”

“Her tits!” says Peter.

“Peter, get out! Go stand in the hall,” responds the teacher with disgust.

“And you, Johnny?” “I’m leaving, teacher, I’m leaving…”

“Isn’t the principal a dummy!” said a boy to a girl.

“Say, do you know who I am?” asked the girl.

“No.”

“I’m the principal’s daughter.”

“And do you know who I am?” asked the boy.

“No,” she replied.

“Thank goodness!”

“Haven’t I seen your face before?” a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.

“You have, Your Honor,” the man answered hopefully. “I gave your son violin lessons last winter.”

“Ah, yes,” recalled the judge. “Twenty years!”

Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph?

Joseph: Because of a sign down the road.

Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?

Joseph: The sign said, “School Ahead, Go Slow!”

Teacher: Tim, you missed school yesterday, didn’t you?

Tim: Not a bit!

Teacher: How do you spell “dog”?

Pupil: d, o, g, enter.

“I’ve just had the most awful time,” said a boy to his friends. “First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy.”

“Wow! How did you pull through?” sympathized his friends.

“I don’t know,” the boy replied. “Toughest spelling test I ever had.”

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