AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

BULLETIN: 1) Air conditioning. 2) Your receipt for attending services.

CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync.

HYMN: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than the congregation's range.

HYMN, RECESSIONAL: The last song, often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.

JONAH: The original "Jaws" story.

MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.

MANGER: The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.

PEW: A medieval torture device still found in most churches.

PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of service, consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.

RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of service - led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.

RELICS: People who have been going to church for so long, they actually know when to sit and stand.

TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten List NOT given by David Letterman.

USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't understand the seating capacity of a pew.