Comparison of Philosophical Theories in the Late 20th Century

Capitalism – He who dies with the most toys, wins.

Hari Krishna – He who plays with the most toys, wins.

Catholicism – He who denies himself the most toys, wins.

Anglican – They were our toys first.

Greek Orthodox – No, they were OURS first.

Atheism – There is no toy maker.

Polytheism – There are many toy makers.

Evolutionism – The toys made themselves.

Church of Christ Scientist – We are the toys.

Communism – Everyone gets the same number of toys, and you are in big trouble if we catch you selling yours.

B’Hai – All toys are just fine with us.

Amish – Toys with batteries are surely a sin.

Taoism – The doll is as important as the dumptruck.

Mormonism – Every boy can have as many toys as he wants.

Voodoo – Let me borrow that doll for a second.

Hinduism – He who plays with bags of plastic farm animals, loses.

7th Day Adventist – He who plays with his toys on Saturday, loses.

Southern Baptist – If your toy is a Disney product, you have a one-way ticket to Hell.

Jehovah’s Witnesses – He who sells the most toys door-to-door, wins.

Pentecostalism – He whose toys can talk, wins.

Existentialism – Toys are a figment of your imagination.

Confucianism – Once a toy is dipped in the water, it is no longer dry.

Non-denominationalism – We don’t care where the toys came from, let’s just play with them.

Agnosticism – It is not possible to know whether toys make a bit of difference.

Unitarian Universalism – We still haven’t decided if the toys exist.

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