Subject: A response to Trauma in Ministry
Date: Thu, 23 Dec 1999 20:44:50 +1100
From: "Clergy Mail List" <>
Reply-To:  
Organization: PastorNET
To:  
CC: Rowland Croucher <>

Dear Tom, 

I'm passing this on for your interest. I feel it was quite a 
thoughtful comment.

Blessings.

Ron Clough (Moderator, Clergy/Leaders' Mail-list)

===================================

From:  
Date: Wed, 22 Dec 1999 22:05:33 EST
Subject: Re: CLM 955 Trauma in Ministry (Part 2)
To:  

<< But one's healing will not occur until one extends the "hard" 
 handshakes, looks offenders confidently in the eye, and extends 
 genuine forgiveness...even when they don't forgive.   >>

Doesn't offering forgiveness generally mean that someone is seeking 
forgiveness?  

Forgiving someone who has not asked for it seems to be a misguided 
attempt at gaining peace at any cost. It is not a true peace, it 
does not help the person who is in need of the forgiveness, and it 
does little for the one who is giving the forgiveness because the 
offender is still offensive.  

I mentioned this to my wife and the response was interesting.  She 
thought that by forgiving the offender that would be helpful for 
the offended, and that it was the right thing to do. When I think 
about forgiveness I have to think of it is context of God's 
forgiveness.  If we do not ask for God's forgiveness then we are 
not forgiven. We tell this to the unsaved all the time, "Right 
where you are, ask God to forgive you", "Tell God that you are 
sorry for your sins"....  Yet once we are saved and "living in 
Christ" the idea of asking forgiveness seems to be different.  

If a believer offends, sins against, or hurts another person and 
does not ask for forgiveness then they build a callous over their 
heart that accepts such behaviour.  If the one offended tries to, or 
succeeds at forgiving the offender the offender has no way of 
seeing the results of his/her actions and the Holy Spirit has 
nothing to work with to bring about a repentant heart.  

To say that if the offended person does not forgive they will fall 
into the sin of hatred, bitterness, or murder in the heart is just 
as false as to say that if we don't forgive that person (whether 
they ask for it or not) they will not be able to repent of their 
actions.  God forgives those who ask for it and yet if we do not 
ask for it it does not cause Him to fall into sin.  He does not 
validate a sin by forgiving it before being asked for forgiveness.  
It is an exercise of faith to wait for a request for  forgiveness 
from the offending party.  We have to acknowledge to God that our 
hearts wish to betray us and harbour anger and bitterness.  We must 
be diligent not to succumb to this desire but instead ask for God's 
True love to sustain us and to pray that the Holy Spirit will do a 
work in the offenders heart to bring them to repentance.  

To me it is only as we work through this process that all parties 
will grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Saviour.  And 
the Church will grow in spiritual power as each member builds up 
and supplies what the other has need of. It will not take place if 
we are only covering for sinning brothers and sisters.