[Some notes from pastors' and leaders' conferences in Melbourne, led by psycho-physiologist Dr. Archibald Hart, Dean of the Graduate School of Psychology, Fuller Theological Seminary].

Work and Family.

Our primary calling is not to serve people or meet their demands but to be available to God: to know him and worship him. So we must say 'no' to some things so that our 'yeses' will have meaning. A young man talked to his pastor about his conflicts between 'work for God' and family. The wise pastor replied: 'Serving your family is the Lord's work.'

Our calling to serve others is always a limited call, for specific tasks. We are not called to be Messiahs, but baton-carriers in life's relay, handing it on to the next person. Workaholism often masquerades as devoted Christian service, but really it is a sickness, an addiction, a desire to control, an insatiable appetite for 'glory'. 'Work enthusiasts' on the other hand are healthier, are generally better delegators.

A professional man said to his counselor 'I work from 6 am to 11 pm.' 'Why?' 'Because if I didn't work I'd have to go home!' Marriage is the union of two imperfect people in an impossible relationship. (So a perfect wife is someone with a perfect husband!). Marriages make more enemies than any other relationship. A 45-year-long study of 300 marriages revealed * The degree of neuroticism at the time of engagement is a predictor of marital happiness. Marital happiness depends on one person - preferably both - changing. * The best predictor of divorce is the husband's impulsiveness or stubbornness: if he's not prepared to change, the marriage is in trouble.

It's a miracle we get it right! Fundamental 'incompatibility' is a given in marriage. 'I have known many happy marriages,' said G K Chesterton, 'but never a compatible one'. Husband and wife have different sexes; different approaches to 'feelings' (some men don't know they've got feelings!); different pressures (since the Industrial Revolution most men work away from home providing only an example of 'temperament' and much less 'teaching' for their children); maybe different personality types (why do Type A's often marry Type B's?); different hobbies and interests; different upbringing in two different families with two different value systems; different roles. And different developmental stages: the mid-life crisis for males involves an awareness that they're married to a wife, not just a job; they want to settle down and narrow their focus, but the wife, with an empty nest looming, wants to broaden her interests.

Stress.

Stress is what life is about: it is necessary for our wholeness. But when stress produces distress, it's destructive. Physiologically, stress causes arousal of various bodily functions - which isn't a problem when those systems are allowed to revert to low arousal. Some of the effects of 'distress' are reversible, others irreversible.

One person out of four in the U.S. - 65 million - suffers from hypertension/ high blood pressure: a state directly attributable to stress. One million of these will die this year from the effects of heart disease. Further: one in 8/9 suffers from a serious gastro-intestinal problem. 50-60 million have sleep problems. One mental health authority says panic-anxiety disorders are the number one mental health problem U.S. women suffer. For men it's second, after drug and alchohol abuse.

Stress and burnout are not the same. One can contribute to the other, but most suffer from one or the other. Stress produces physical exhaustion, a loss of physical energy. Burnout is emotional exhaustion.

We have fragile minds and bodies - clay pots, Paul calls them - and we have no mandate to abuse them. We die a little each day. The question is: Are we dying too much, or too quickly? Are we spiritually disciplined, caring for these fragile vessels?

Stress is exacerbated by life's unpredictability, by our sedentary lifestyles, poor sleeping habits, noise and overcrowding, by 'excellence anxiety' (the pressure to measure up to one's own or others' expectations) - or even by fluorescent lights! It is the response of flight, fright or fight to a perceived tension, catastrophe, or fear. And stress increases wear and tear on the body. Overstress diminishes spiritual energy: don't confuse adrenalin arousal with true spirituality!

Symptoms of stress.

Stress impacts four major systems: 1. The cardio-vascular system. (Increase in adrenalin plus cholesterol results in deposits of fat in arteries. Adrenalin increases the clotting capacity of the blood - but taking aspirin to reverse this is shutting the gate when the horse has bolted: adrenalin-production is a function of stress, so treat that!). 2. The gastro-intestinal system (increased secretion of acids; ulcers; colitis etc.). 3. The muscle system (adrenalin increases muscle tension, so we get certain kinds of headaches, lower back pain etc.). 4. The brain. The top-selling prescription drugs in the U.S. are for ulcers and high blood pressure.

Personality.

Stress is mediated by personality factors. Type A people are mostly in a hurry, they finish your sentences, have a deep sense of justice, and are more prone to stress (they produce 4x more adrenalin than Type B's). Type B's are more prone to burnout: they're easy-going, slow to anger, more reflective/ feeling-oriented, but are more easily demoralized, they internalize problems and are less likely to use others' support. Type X's are a smaller group with mixed characteristics. Recent research indicates an equal number of men and women are Type A, particularly as women climb the corporate ladder. [Sign in an office: A WOMAN WHO WANTS TO BECOME LIKE A MAN LACKS AMBITION].

Adrenalin management.

Some contemporary lifestyle situations demand higher production of adrenalin (eg. driving). So: monitor adrenalin-arousing people-demands. Measure pulse-rate regularly. Follow adrenalin arousal with relaxation. Christians have problems with inactivity ('When I Relax I Feel Guilty'). Choose a time to relax - 20-30 minutes a day preferably (other than sleep times). Engage in self-talk, particularly about 'disengagement' from tension-producing situations: plan a recovery time equal to the time of arousal.

Sleep.

Every machine, including the human body, has a duty-cycle. So get 6x90 minute cycles of sleep every 24 hours! That's 9-10 hours (that's not a misprint!). In each 90 minute cycle there's 3-4 minutes of dream-sleep (essential for psychological well-being). 'Siesta' cultures have less stress, and a high proportion of very creative people have an early afternoon nap. (Creativity is enhanced by 'sowing seeds' before sleep then reaping ideas when you wake). If you're waking to an alarm you're probably not getting enough sleep. Before you sleep gradually create an atmosphere of darkness (necessary for the brain's production of melatonin). Get rid of anger/anxiety before the sun sets, and enjoy 2-3 hours of 'winding down' to 'switch off' adrenalin supply before sleep. (Finish committee meetings earlier!). Have consistent sleep habits, and avoid stimulants (caffeine, chocolate) before sleep. Learn a good relaxation technique if it's difficult to get to sleep.

Burnout.

Burnout is emotional exhaustion. You've lost your dream, your ideals. Your emotional resources are inadequate to meet your emotional needs. Rewards are inadequate for the sacrifices involved. You are over-extended (vs. stress, which is overwork). You lack a sense of fulfilment. There's inadequate appreciation or encouragement from the support-people above you. If there's an inability to get such support from your 'superior' (accountability is an important principle here) demoralization occurs. Extraverts experience little burnout if their supports are in place, but introverts have a lot of burnout despite the degree of support (they often don't know how to use support systems). The mark of a good leader/ manager is to sense the need of support and offer it regularly and appropriately.

Stress is bad because it will kill you! Burnout is bad because you wish you were dead!

Anxiety.

Anxiety is the key emotional problem suffered by people with an affluent lifestyle. We have a tendency to push ourselves beyond our God-endowed limits. Designed for camel-travel, we're moving like supersonic jets. Electricity has increased the length of our day. We're bombarded with stimulation and noise. We don't give ourselves enough time to rejuvenate our systems: it's no wonder we have diseases like AIDS today - diseases of the immune system.

Anxiety is a mechanism that alerts us to the possibility of threat. It comes in many forms - worry anxiety, fear anxiety, existential anxiety, panic anxiety, phobic anxiety, generalized anxiety (see Archibald D. Hart, Overcoming Anxiety (?, ?) The only form mentioned in Scripture is the first, 'worry anxiety' - a useless emotion. So we must transform 'worry' (which is unrealistic) into 'concern' (realistic) by 1. Externalizing it - talk about it, write it down, get it into the open somehow. 2. 'Encourage' it (yes!): do the thing you fear. 3. Extinguish it: research indicates that worry if attended to for less than 5 minutes or more than 30 minutes tends to extinguish itself. So dismiss the anxiety in less than 5 minutes, or work on it (preferably with another) for more than 30 minutes.

Finally, four important principles to preach: 1. An adequate God-concept, which is not distorted by, for example, an unhappy childhood with a cruel or inadequate father. 2. An adequate sin-concept: it's possible to make your conscience into a god, if you don't do what others want you to do. 3. An adequate failure concept. Most equate failing with sin. Christians generally have not developed an adequate theology of failure. God is in the refining, rather than the success business. If we believe God is always committed to 'success' in our terms, failure will always be a negative experience. God's primary purpose is our growth and development, whether we 'succeed' in human terms or not. One of the functions of failure is to reveal our imperfections. Failure is forced growth. Failure is God's 'nudge' to redirect us towards another, better route. Our goal is not 'positive' or 'possibility' thinking, but 'reality thinking'! 'Winning', says a wise poet, 'is no more than this... to rise whenever you fall. All you have to do to win is rise each time you fall!' 4. An adequate concept of forgiveness. As Dr. Leslie Weatherhead once said, 'The forgiveness of God is the most powerful therapeutic idea in the world.' You'd better believe that!

by Rowland Croucher (GRID, Winter 1990)