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Some thoughts on "BURNED OUT PASTORS: SOME QUESTIONS"

Dear Rowland: I'm writing to commend you for your response to the theology student on Pastoral burn-out. This student has a leg up on his peers if he learns from your perspectives.

There is a mismatch between expectations and reality. A Pastor learns to "roll" with these disappointments, as Paul certainly had to do many times.

The "family of origin" tie-in is right on, especially the part about the lack of unconditional love. The "kicker" here is that so many of us clergy come from Alcoholic/Dysfunctional homes (some authorities think the figure may be as high as 25-50%). That's true because the roles that one must adopt to survive in a dysfunctional family "fit" so well in ministry. For example, I was the "family hero"-the last chance my family had for a Pastor since two cousins were killed as theology students in a traffic accident. Thus, the "push" was put upon me.

Another role is the "Peacemaker". Since there is much acrimony in a home with a chemically dependent parent, someone has to play the role of peacemaker. When the alcoholic's parents live with the family, as mine did, warfare is daily fare.

Role reversal routinely takes place in an alcoholic home. I became my father's "counselor" when I was 10 years old or so and our "therapy"sessions continued until his death when I was 17. I was an experienced "Counselor" by the time I had reached high school graduation. Small wonder that this function was familiar when I started parish ministry. There are other roles, but these were the ones I played.

I'm taking a medical leave right now to do precisely what you told the theological student a burn-out victim must do-a lot of talking. Your "whole of life" workshop would be welcomed by me if we didn't live in different hemispheres! Any idea where I can find this in the USA?

You're right also about the lack of time off-it's very hard for us to de-role--we're thinking about some issue of ministry even while "relaxing". I'm beginning to wonder if I will ever escape this except by quitting entirely. Hence, your distinction between ministry and pastoral ministry is most welcome. We have some "experts" in our denomination who refuse to see any form of ministry other than pastoral ministry. That reminds me of the category our Seminary Dean warned about-the "hardening of the categories".

Oh, yes, we are very sensitive to criticism, even if we cover it up so very well under that well-practiced poker face. I've had sleep problems for years that have had to be medicated.

You're quite right about the intangibility of ministry. Four significant and welcome changes were accomplished in four years, and still I feel unfulfilled because I cannot be "all things to all people" and because I can never be perfect. I told them a few weeks ago that I don't think I have the mental/emotional energy to write the next chapters of this parish's ministry.

You're correct also about "changing the tapes" and that it's "never too late to have a happy childhood." My present Counselor is a former Priest, perfect for me in that he understands ministry issues. He suggests that I find a second career as a therapist; perhaps I will with a focus on children of alcoholics. But in the meantime, I have little energy even to think about this, much less start all over again in the academic arena. I'm "only 51", but I feel older.

Don't stop writing about the need for a small sharing group. We clergy try so hard to hide our own emotional needs all the while attempting to bail out a dozen sinking boats alongside of our own leaky craft. My problem right now is that I left behind just about everything you prescribe when I changed churches more than 4 years ago. Where does a Pastor turn when there is no group of "wounded healers" to which he can turn?

With regard to welfare/chaplaincy work without the church institution getting in the way, there are "industrial chaplains" in factories in this country. Perhaps there is a potential article for you to investigate.

The mentor is so very important. I have a friend who is about 20 years older than I. Though he may not fit the exact definition of a mentor, the needed sharing/talking takes place when we are together. Every Pastor needs this.

Rowland, I just wanted you to know how much good you did with this article. If you're interested, I might be willing to edit this letter for publication on your web page.

Still working for Jesus while on hiatus,

Wayne Dobratz, Pastor Trinity Lutheran Church Hampton, Iowa

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