Clergy/Leaders' Mail-list No. 1-113

Rod Benson helps dispel popular myths in a series of six sermons:

#5 - Other people cause my stress

-------------------- HOW TO HANDLE STRESS --------------------

In his book, Adrenalin and Stress, Arch Hart suggests that stress can result from anything that annoys you, threatens, excites, scares, worries, hurries, angers, frustrates or challenges you, or reduces your self-esteem - and stress can be dangerous, even fatal.

"Anything - pleasant or unpleasant - that arouses your adrenalin system for too long and mobilises your body for 'fight or flight' predisposes you to stress disease. Your body simply adapts to living in a constant state of emergency - and you feel no discomfort until damaging results occur."

The myth about stress that makes us miserable is that other people cause our stress. The truth is: how we choose to respond to a given situation creates the stress! Have you ever noticed how cool, calm and collected Jesus was, even though he lived under constant pressure and criticism, misunderstood, misjudged, with very little time to himself?

His life reflects a calm sense of balance. What is it about his life that made him so stress-resistant? Tonight we'll discover, in the Gospels, seven strategies Jesus used that will reduce stress in your life.

IDENTIFICATION

The first is the principle of identification: know who you are. Jesus had no doubt about his identity. Eighteen times in the Gospels he defined himself: "I am the Bread of life . . . the Light of the world . . . the Door . . . the Good Shepherd . . . the Resurrection and the Life . . . the Way, the Truth, the Life . . . the True Vine" (John 6:35; 8:12; 10:7; 10:11; 11:25; 14:6; 15:1).

In John 8:18 he said, "I testify on my own behalf." He didn't depend on the opinions of others to validate himself. If you don't know who you are, other people will determine your identity for you - your parents, your spouse, your boss, your friends.

When you try to be something you're not, it causes enormous stress because it doesn't work. Discover who you are, grow comfortable with your strengths and weaknesses, and face the truth about yourself. Don't try to be like someone else - copying others and comparing yourself with others is destructive. Simply be what God made you to be!

DEDICATION

The second principle is dedication: know who you're trying to please. Some of us try to please everyone, and of course we can't do it.

As soon as we get one group pleased, another group is off-side. And we work out crowd B's problems, and crowd A gets angry. Even God can't please everybody, and only a fool would try to do what God can't do.

As a pastor I'm always disappointing someone, because people have different expectations of me. Some people say, "Why don't we sing more hymns from the blue book?" Others say, "Why do we have to sing from the blue book?" Some say, "Why doesn't he do more biblical exposition?" Others say, "Why doesn't he do more lifestyle-related preaching?" Some say, "Why doesn't he visit his congregation at home more often?" Others say, "Why's he visiting us?" Some say, "Why isn't he out and about in the community?" Others say, "Why doesn't he spend more time with his wife?" And the list goes on.

You don't have to be liked by everybody to be happy and fulfilled. You need to decide who you're going to please, and do it. For Jesus the issue was clear cut: "I'm not out to get my own way but only to carry out orders" (John 5:30, The Message).

I'm going to live for an audience of one, I'm going to focus on pleasing God! That's an intelligent choice: if you do what pleases God, it's always the right thing. "No one can serve two masters . . . " (Luke 16:13).

Jesus never let the fear of rejection or the need for approval motivate or dominate his life. He knew who he was, and whom he was trying to please. Whose approval am I depending on for my happiness. No one can pressure me without my permission. No one's holding a gun to my head. It's the way I choose to respond to a situation that determines my stress level.

PRIORITISATION

Principle number three is prioritisation: know what you want to accomplish. We don't have time for everything; we'll be guided in life either by priorities or by pressures. If I don't set priorities in my life, I will be guided by pressures.

God loves you, and everyone else has a wonderful plan for your life! But by setting your own priorities you avoid the 'tyranny of the urgent,' and get on with what's important.

Jesus said, "I know where I came from and where I am going" (John 8:14). He set clear goals for his life; he knew the difference between busyness and productivity. He knew how to focus on what really counts. Jesus led a purpose-driven life: "I must proclaim the good news . . . for I was sent for this purpose" (Luke 4:43, NRSV).

What's driving your life? Approval of others? The desire to make a lot of money? Trying to fit in with the status quo? Those are the kinds of purposes that lead to stress. You need to set some priorities based on who you are, and what your life purpose is.

CONCENTRATION

That brings us to principle number four: concentration: focus on what's important. Don't get distracted by trivia. If Satan can't get you to do wrong, he'll just wear you out with a lot of good things that keep you from the best things.

Jesus knew how to focus on what was important. "As the time drew near for his return to heaven, he moved steadily onward toward Jerusalem with an iron will" (Luke 9:51, LB).

Paul had the same focus: "This one thing I do . . . " (Philippians 3:13). Our problem today is over-commitment to the unimportant: not "this one thing I do" but "these twenty things I dabble in."

A couple of guys came to Jesus and said, "Lord, we'd love to serve you but we just don't have the time." Here's how Jesus responded: "Anyone who lets himself be distracted from the work I plan for him is not fit for the kingdom of God" (Luke 9:62, LB). Strong words, but from someone who knew his purpose and focussed on what's important, and fulfilled his life mission.

Some of you are caught up in what I call the 'Martha' syndrome: you're overworked, over-scheduled, life is crowded with activity. As John relates the story, "Martha was pulled away by all she had to do in the kitchen . . . The Master said, 'Martha . . . you're getting yourself worked up over nothing. Only one thing is essential . . .' " (Luke 10:40-42, The Message).

DELEGATION

Principle number five is delegation: let other people help you. We often get stressed because we think we have to do it all ourselves, we're the general manager of the universe. It's when we get sick, and we can't hold the world together single-handedly, that we realise the world goes on OK without us!

How often have you heard this phrase: "If you want a job well done, do it yourself"? That's the motto of a perfectionist headed for burnout! If anyone ever had a right to say that, it was Jesus Christ - he was perfect, and he could do it better than anyone else! But even Jesus didn't try to do it all by himself. "He appointed twelve - designating them apostles - that they might be with him and that he might send them out to preach" (Mark 3:14). Jesus got others involved in ministry; he delegated his tasks, his mission, his authority.

And that's one reason why the church exists! I look at you tonight, and I see enormous spiritual potential - people brimming with spiritual gifts, just waiting to be asked to participate. If you're feeling the weight of ministry tonight, delegate some of the weight to others!

Sometimes we find ourselves doing things we don't need to do at all. In The Gift, Eugene Peterson, pastor and author of The Message, describes how he came to realise he wasn't indispensable:

Years ago I noticed, as all pastors must, that when a pastor left a neighbouring congregation, the congregational life carried on very well, thank you. A guest preacher was assigned to conduct Sunday worship, and nearby pastors took care of funerals, weddings and crisis counselling. A congregation would go for months, sometimes as long as a year or two, without a regular pastor. And I thought, 'All these things I am so busy doing - they aren't being done in that pastorless congregation, and nobody seems to mind.' I asked myself, 'What if I, without leaving, quit doing them right now? Would anybody mind?' I did, and they don't.

MEDITATION

The sixth principle is meditation: make a habit of prayer. Prayer is a great stress reliever; it's a way to unload your burdens. No matter how busy Jesus was, he always made time for prayer. "As often as possible Jesus withdrew to out-of-the-way places for prayer" (Luke 5:15-16, The Message).

You need input as well as output, or you'll shrivel up and die. The busier your schedule, the greater the need for prayer.

Blaise Pascal, the famous 17th century Christian philosopher, once said, "Most of man's problems come from his inability to sit still." The Bible says, "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10). When was the last time you did that? Make a daily habit of prayer and meditation with the Lord, and your stress levels will subside.

RELAXATION

The final principle is relaxation: take time to enjoy life. Stop and smell the roses. Those of us who are workaholics need to listen to this: rest and relaxation are not wasted time. Jesus habitually took time off, and even though there were more people to be healed delivered and saved, he still took time off.

"Jesus said to his disciples, 'Come off by yourselves; let's take a break and get a little rest.' For there was constant coming and going. They didn't even have time to eat" (Mark 6:31, The Message).

Unless I schedule time off, there will always be something more important to do. We need to divert daily, withdraw weekly and abandon annually. That's the key to lasting the distance, and beating stress.

Stress is without doubt increasing in our society, and we need to take intentional steps to counteract its effects if we're going to survive the nineties. These seven principles will make a significant difference in your life as you implement them, and live as Jesus lived.

But the most important stress-relief is to allow Jesus to be a central part of your life, to be your boss, your Lord. You were not meant to live apart from God. You were meant to live in connection with him, in relationship with him.

If you're approaching stress or burnout tonight, and you're tired of living independently of God, Jesus makes a fantastic offer you can't refuse: "Come to me, all you who are tired and have heavy loads, and I will give you rest . . . learn from me . . . and you will find rest for your lives" (Matthew 11:28-30, NCV).

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E028 Copyright (c) 2001 Rod Benson. Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible: New International Version (London: Hodder & Stoughton, 1980).

You can contact Rev Rod Benson by e-mail at <>. To subscribe direct to his weekly sermons, e-mail him with "subscribe" in the subject.