During a discussion of life lessons a woman shared this story:

"I was only five, all dressed up in a white dress with a crinoline and new gloves. My granddaddy told me I could go into the kitchen and get a cookie. Next to the cookie jar was a stack of quarters and I took one. When I returned my granddaddy looked at me funny and asked me to show him my white gloves. I had the quarter in my right hand so I only held out my left. 'Show me the other hand,' he said. When he saw the quarter he looked at me real sad. He 'hugged me up' and said 'Darlin', you can have anything in the world that I have, but it breaks my heart that you would ever steal it.' I never stole anything ever again."

Her granddaddy wasn't so worried about her self-esteem or so casual about the significance of theft that he made light of the incident. But he didn't hammer her with harsh words or punishment either. Instead, he conveyed his disappointment in the context of his love and the moral judgment that stealing is wrong. He was more concerned with her becoming good than feeling good and, as a result, when the woman relived the incident 50 years later, it still evoked tears of shame.

Feeling proud when we do things right and ashamed at our moral missteps is a vital characteristic of a healthy conscience. But such consciences don't develop in permissive, nonjudgmental settings or unforgiving authoritarian ones. What's needed are clearly expressed moral principles and high expectations.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts. http://www.charactercounts.org